One year ago today was my first day ALONE.  All my kids were gone as well as my husband.  I thought I could not survive, live, breathe.  One year later I realize I did all of that.  Not much grace while doing it but the list of things I've done and gone through is long.  I'm still a very big work in progress but spend most days remembering that I am good enough, strong enough and smart enough.  I have said those words for a year but now I am believing them.

This post is not another "oh how horrible..." but it is a thank you...

Thank you to my female friends who sat and listened, without judgment, who showed up to help me move; who took me for coffee; who liked my posts; who gave me great advice and who exhibited patience.  I'd love to name you all but you know who you are.

Thank you to my male friends.  Those who told me "you got me in the divorce"; those who said this will be hell but I will only tolerate listening to it for a little while; those who said "what a prick you deserve better" - because that is what men say even if they like the ex; to those men who let me cry and said no you are not fat, stupid, and many other things; and mostly to those men who tolerated crying break downs - and are still around for me.

Thank you to my kids.  I wish I could list all the things I put them through; all the times I lost it in the last year or hell the last 24; the kids who are my heart and soul.  The kids who I unintentionally put through harsh times but did so because I didn't know how to handle my life...a life that had been filled with Mrs. and Mom, by choice.  Thank you to the kids who took a break from ME and still do but come back; to the kids who know who Mega Mom is.

Thank you to 3 special people, Monica M, Brian M and John S. - all who helped me through the darkest night of my life - in everything I have ever gone through I have never wanted to end my life.  I believe and believed it was the most selfish thing but mental illness takes over sometimes and these 3 people made sure I didn't give in or up.

Lastly, thank you to my ex-husband.  While I don't understand, get it, am conflicted - what the divorce did was allow me to go crazy and then find myself.  Prove to me and not anyone else that I am WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR and that is ok.  Thank you for loving me for just a little while; thank you for giving me 5 beautiful, wonderful, special kids.  Thank you for letting me go - some days I still am very mad at you about the whole thing but I've moved from bitter and hate to just being mad.  Thank you for trying to take my crazy moments and knowing that our purpose together had ended.

Thank you to the higher power who has looked over me and made sure that while I have struggled I have not failed and I have not given up and I know that there is so much more to come.  I've not parked my ass on the bench...I don't know if I will be a pioneer for the future but I will be a pioneer for the next chapter in my life which will contain much less bitterness.

I DID IT...I thought a year ago I was going to die - literally and figuratively - today I am proof that nothing is impossible.