Empty Nest Syndrome Part 2

I had every intention of writing yesterday but we have had painters at the house and getting to my desk top where all my well planned research was became difficult.

So my well planned research was a matter of typing "Empty Nest Syndrome" into google.com and looking at the 9 million results it returned and then skimming through the first few articles and landing on Wiki for a definition.  Yes, lazy I know, but I'm not getting paid so my research skills went to the wayside.

So Wiki says "Empty nest syndrome is a feeling of grief and loneliness parents or guardians may feel when their children leave home for the first time, such as to live on their own or to attend a college or university."

My first thought was well I don't have feelings of grief or loneliness so what do you call it.....Happy Empty Nest Syndrome?  I'm glad my kids moved out syndrome?  Opps I feel guilty because I'm glad my kids moved out syndrome?

However, further reading (not of just Wiki) said that one of the "symptoms" was "a sense of loss of purpose, feelings of rejection...."  Wait.....that was mostly it....so I kept digging.  SAHM's are apparently hit the hardest with this, you spend so much time where what you are doing is for for someone else and then that person leaves.  Yes my kids call regularly to ask me to do things for them like text them a recipe; refill a prescription; calculate something; proof read a paper.  All of these were things I did when they were home and were quite annoying to be honest....now they are threads that I hang on to and even brag about when when my husband gets home..... Heard from Child #3 today - did YOU?  Ha ha...well she called to ask me to _______________.  Next day he returns the favor (that's what I get for being snide) difference is he had to prompt them.  Now when it happens in reverse watch out...the first thing I am doing is calling or texting Child # Whatever saying "why did you call dad with that?"  (I can justify it by saying "you know he is busy at work and it is easier for you just to call me").

Poor kids they can not win for losing.

So Empty Nest Syndrome...it does not have multiple components.  It isn't a clinical thing (counselors and other medical professionals attribute the feelings to other stuff) and the answer to it all seems to be GET A LIFE.

Every article has these coping skills:  get a hobby; find yourself; exercise; look for something you want to do; enjoy the time; relax; read a book.  Not very helpful to be honest, the first week Child #4 left I read 4 books; caught up on 3 TV series (yes I have become a Netflix junkie); turned her room into a quilt room; cleaned out cabinets and took naps.

None of the articles explained or have examined how I can be so happy on one hand yet so blah on another.  I've come to realize that the advise of "GET A LIFE" is really about all there is to it.  Get a life outside of the kids; get a life that has something I want to do; get a life that slows down a little bit and get a life that you enjoy instead of rushing around all day every day doing something for everyone else.  Oh I still want to "do" for everyone and have recently started keeping a list of what I do all day and asking myself what is a productive day for me but the list is different and it is shorter and it now contains things that I've done just for me and no one else.

Now the one thing I do wish I had prepared for was the fact that these rug rats, no matter how old they are, still know when I'm trying to sneak in a nap and still manage to contact me with some urgent issue after I have been asleep for about 30 minutes (just long enough that you can't lay back down) and heaven forbid I should just hit ignore because they might call their Dad and he gets to come home with "Child #2 called me today...and all because you were taking a nap and didn't answer!".

Bottom line is that Empty Nest Syndrome hits everyone different.  There is nothing wrong with being sad your kids have moved on and there is MOST CERTAINLY NOTHING WRONG with being happy they have moved on.  Each person has to figure out how to deal and work through it and each person has to find what works for them because there is no catch-all "cure".  There is no right or wrong way to feel, these are our babies no matter how old they are and each feeling we have when they leave is valid and each feeling is irrational and each feeling is specific to each kid and circumstance.....so forget all the articles; forget all the advice; forget all the tips and tricks and figure out what the good and the bad is about them leaving is for YOU and start worrying about the latest trend.....

"Boomerang Generation"....that will get you out of your "Empty Nest Syndrome" funk really quick!