Recently, as the fourth child left for college I noticed a HUGE difference in the house. While she was here every room was occupied. There were four of us, I still had a schedule to keep up with and dinner to cook and everything else. Since she has left and we have one 16 year old who is barely home or who rarely comes out of his room, this issue has been on my mind more and more.
Now the preamble is out of the way - let me start this off by saying:
I AM HAPPY THE KIDS HAVE LEFT AND I AM EXPERIENCING EMPTY NEST SYNDROME. While I don't want to judge anyone or comment on anyone else's circumstances because everyone has their own story, mine is this. WE DID IT. We got them through school with great grades and scholarships to wonderful colleges. No one got pregnant. No one got arrested. No one was a car wrecker (although we had a couple who were car killers). We never had a night where we didn't know where they were or had to stand at the door with our arms crossed tapping our foot at 4 a.m. Not to say that my kids did not have fun and did not have a social life but they did exactly what we asked: 1) be a good student; 2) be a good kid; and 3) work hard and live up to your commitments. They did all of that and MORE.
They are gone - well almost all of them and they did ALL OF THAT. We have more space, less groceries, less mess, three TV's to choose from to watch what we want, boring nights with nothing to do, of course we have more chores (the labor laws do not apply to your own children in your own house so I used them to the fullest extent) and of course we have more silence.
But what does it all mean?
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| Picture is from May of 2009 when our oldest graduated High School. |
On one hand we did what we were supposed to. We taught them how to work hard, how to be social, how to interact in the adult world, how to cook, how to shop, how to budget, how to think and have opinions and all the other important things to make them productive members of society.
On the other hand - where in the hell did my kids go and why do they not need me every moment of every day? Where is all the noise and the running home and the eating everything in sight and getting exciting that they get tuna casserole for dinner or don't have to do chores because it is their week off. Where is the mess and the constant hum of the washer and dryer and more importantly the AC unit running all day because they won't close doors or decide that doing laundry and running the dryer at 2 p.m. when it is 112 degrees out is a good idea?
***Funny aside - yesterday I was in the dining room and thought "hum it is a little warm, why isn't there any air blowing out of the vent?". Got up to call the AC guy, I mean the unit is only a week old. As I walked to my desk the AC unit turned on.....stayed on exactly 4 minutes and the house was at the target temp and it turned off and didn't come on for another hour. First that explained why there was no air coming out of the vent and second I have spent at least 18 years with the full hum of the AC all day every day from April to November that I was confused.***
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| Twins (Kaitie and Kimmie) graduation from High School in 2011 |
Ok so back to Empty Nest....how exactly can you be satisfied and feel good yet sad at the same time? I have a lot of people who look at me funny when I say that I am glad they are gone or when I have rearranged and changed things so quickly after they have left (I wait till they have at least moved into their dorm room before I make changes).
All the articles, research, blogs and FB posts of my friends say I should be sad and find ways to "occupy my time. Take up a hobby. Try yoga to help you through this stressful transition". Some have suggested that its the start of a mid-life crisis. Watch your husband....look for the signs...don't do this...don't do that...crying is natural. The lists go on and on.
The ones who jump for joy and write about it, they get bashed in the comments section or called judgmental or bragging or just "smashed" upon for feeling good about the fact that their kids have left and moved on.
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| Alycia Marie's High school graduation - Kimmie couldn't make it home so she is missing from the pictures |
For me it is more about change and how to handle that change. Like I can not figure out how to cook for just two or three people. I can not figure out how to shop and not buy the package of 12 pieces of chicken when it will just be my husband and I for dinner. I can not figure out what laundry day is mine and then realize that every day is. I was shocked that it has been two weeks since I bought toilet paper - literally shocked. Change and how to deal with it.....that is my problem. I am Happy they are gone and have a life and very happy that we raised them well enough they call home, text, email and still ask for help (even when they don't need it but sense that we might).
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| If all goes as planned Paulie will graduate a year early (May 2015) and Empty Nest will be complete..... |
So for awhile, I'm going to work through this and tell stories on my kids and myself and maybe my husband but for now....I'm HAPPY they are all doing well, having a good day and all my chores and errands were done by 10:45 and the next thing I have to do is remind my youngest that he is getting leftovers for dinner because I over made the chicken casserole....AGAIN.
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