I had these great elaborate plans to post how I am working hard to untangle the "knot" of 28 years and instead I picked up the phone and talked, cried, scream, yelled, cussed, talked and...well....
I had these great elaborate plans to do so much but then this weekend it hit me:
Many of my facebook posts over the years have talked about how much I did in a day and asked what productivity was.
Well, I was productive alright - I got it all done and more - I put many of people to shame with my lists. But what I didn't do was slow down; rest; listen; talk; LISTEN; and just be. I'm not talking about the all new rage of mindfulness - I mean just be...like accepting it is ok to sit and watch Netflix all day long. Or to take a 2 hour walk; or read a book until 3 a.m. knowing you still had to get up the next day. To spend 2 hours having coffee or talking to your kid no matter how old they are. To call a friend up and have an actual conversation. I was productive in all the right ways but the wrong ways too.
So productive - FUCK YEAH I have been productive over the years - but here is the kicker...the next 30 plus years will be about being productive for me; productive in a way that suits my tastes; productive in a way defined by me and not the world around me or the responsibilities - real or imagined. Productive in a way that helps me grow, love, learn and be there - in the here and now - for people.
So here is to realizing how much potential I have even if the most productive thing I do in a day is clean out the cat box and hit "yes" on the Netflix message of "are you sure you want to continue watching".
***no dig on my own five kids; all the other kids I carted around for years and had flying marshmallow camp outs with - it is just my time, I was there for your time!
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