Tonight I read an article about
“hangover anger in a divorce”. I was with my spouse for 28 years and married
for 24 when he left...the day after I took our youngest child to college. I will admit that in each instance related in
this article, I was the villain. I was
the one with hangover anger. Why
shouldn’t I be? Our marriage was doomed
from the beginning. He didn’t want me
to move to the city where he had a new job and I did it anyway; his family
hated me; they thought I was a “gold-digger” and later after having kids a
“drain on his potential”. I got
pregnant when we were not married and our marriage proposal went like this: Me: I
am 4 weeks pregnant. Him: So when do you want to get hitched. The night before our wedding he went out with
friends and never came home – I had to push the time with the Judge back twice
and we didn’t even have a wedding ring for me.
How many times in our marriage did he say “my money”? How many times did he go out while I was home
with the kids – five beautiful wonderful kids whom I wanted. How many times did he go to strip joints and
spend money on them, money we didn’t have?
How many times did I hide money problems because I felt they were
created by him and it was my job to fix them?
How many times did I support him, yes with memories of the past but
willing to support him any way I could?
How many times did I cry myself to sleep because he rejected me? I once had a therapist tell me he had a
“Madonna complex”. That would have
involved him holding me higher in esteem.
I fought and argued and vented. I
was brash and let my emotions control every word that came out of my mouth but
he had said he loved me. I loved him
despite his faults….how could he not love me despite mine? The ultimate humiliation for him came and
gave him an escape…he stuck it out for almost a year from that
humiliation. I’ll give him some credit
for that. However, was there any love
there? Ever? Do we have anything together, to remember,
to cherish, and too hold on to other than our kids? I think not…and so I’ll readily admit, I have
hangover anger in divorce. I was sought
after; I was content; I was rising in my career; I was a great mom; I was great
at my job; I was great at any job I had…except marriage. I sucked at marriage. I did what every book said to do. I cooked dinner; looked after the kids; had a
clean house. I tried dressing nice;
seducing; being less needy; concerned about him….I ran the gambit from trying
too care too much to shielding myself. But
I didn’t sleep and I couldn’t get him to connect in a way that was more than
passive. I FAILED. So my divorce hangover has produced much
anger. At me and him. There is more to this story but on the
short, this is the “cliff notes”. I
failed my marriage, my spouse, my kids and more importantly myself. But I was set up for failure from day one and
sought to live that out. Now…I have a
divorce anger hangover that involves me spewing hate; being resentful; hurtful;
involving our adult children in my nonsense and hating myself for it. DIVORCE ANGER HANGOVER. How long will it last?
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Divorce....
So since my last post, I was and have been faced with divorce. My divorce was initialted by my husband on 6/29/15. I found out he filed in July 2015. The process of divorce, can we work it our, lawyers, moving out started.....He left the day after I took our youngest to college. He told me the week before that it was all over and he was leaving....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)